2023 BMW M2 Drags Porsche Cayman GTS and Tuned Golf R, Expect the Unexpected

These days, BMWs are more controversial than anything from Germany. Just look at the M2, X2, M3, M4, 5 Series and i5, 7 Series and i7, or the massive X7 LCI and XM Label Red, for example. Can anyone honestly say they are not polemic-inducing when it comes to their design? On the other hand, their technical prowess is a different matter and usually comes out on top uncontested. Well, except for when other German cars compete with it.

But there is no need to take our word for granted because we have a glorious example of three models vying for glory in a most American manner… on Canadian soil. Thus, Thomas and James gathered around the 2023 BMW M2 for a quick quarter-mile (unprepped) dragstrip skirmish. And, of course, they brought a rival to benchmark its capabilities – the Porsche Cayman GTS 4.0. Plus, they also threw in a tuned VW Golf R because they wanted to have (a lot more) fun!

Reading the technical specifications is one way of looking at the big picture. From there, a few conclusions can be drawn even before the drag-and-roll races, like the fact that the second-gen BMW M2 easily wins the horsepower wars against the Cayman but barely edges out the modded hot hatchback rascal. Alas, that may not be enough when it opposes the traditional front-engine RWD setup against the mid-rear RWD assembly of the Porsche and the AWD prowess of the tuned Golf R. Plus, one last detail – look at the weight numbers and try to forget the M2 is one fat compact sports car!

Well, now it’s time to get down to the racing business from the 2:20 mark with the traditional drag race. This is where all the equations mentioned above align to paint a bleak outcome for the BMW M2 fans – the two-door coupe eats lots of dust from the Cayman and Golf R. Ultimately, the straight-line acceleration battle is decided solely between the Porsche and VW, with the former taking the victory by around a car’s length.

However, we should always expect the unexpected from these skirmishes. When it’s time for a real-world-style roll race (at 4:30), the misconceptions are thrown down the drain – this time around, the M2 is unequivocally taking the lead from the get-go, and the Golf R and Cayman are left trailing and fighting, photo-finish-style, for second place. In the end, the conclusion is simple – time to fool around the track with the Cayman and admit the M2 has become a German muscle car, through and through.